My parents are not divorced, but I wouldn't say I'm not from a broken home. I think the only reason my parenst never got divorced is because they're old fashioned, european catholics, and divorce is not an option. That or their pride.

My parents got married very young. I think they were in love with the idea of being in love. At least on my mother's side. Also, the main reason she accepted my father's proposal was because she wanted to get the hell out of her house. Her father was an alcoholic and her mother took out all her frustrations on her. Everything was great until 2 years into the marriage, my sister was born... with Down's Syndrome. At the time doctors didn't know much about it so they couldn't give my parents information to help deal. My parents just thought they had done something horrible and were being punished by God. I really think that's when it went downhill. Don't get me wrong, they love my sister to death and so do I, but things weren't the same after that. Both went into huge depressions and dealt with it different ways. It was bad enough being so young and learning how to be parents... but now having to accept that your chils will never have a higher capacity for intelligence than a three year old.. that was tough. My mother became bitter and hated the world. My father became withdrawan and started drinking. Those two different personalities clashed. On top of it there were other family issues going on. When I was born 12 years later, they considered me the "Miracle Baby." That's only because doctors were uninformed and thought that my mother could only have children with Down's Syndrome. So things were all beautiful until my mother had to go back to work and my mother's father moved in to help raise me. My mother never got along with my grandmother and they used to fight all of the time. Then my mother would fight with my father about it. It was just constant yelling and crying and slamming of things. I can remember two times clearly in my mind that it got physical, but there were also many threats. Always ended with my father driving off and not coming back for hours. But I had grown up with all that so it was normal to me. When I grew older, my mother started to push me in the middle of things. Being naive, I just wanted to do what my mother wanted because she loved me. She'd make me fight her battles with my grandmother and father. Eventually in my teens I realized how stupid I had been and that my father and grandmother didn't deserve my mother's fighting, and much less mine. I resented my mother for turning me into a horrible person who was mean to the people who loved me and did nothing wrong to me. So when I started to disobey and defy my mother, all the fighting began to invlove me too. Things have gotten a bit better lately because we've all had to make changes, but it still happens every now and again. My father may not always be right, but I always find myself feeling for him. I remember once him telling me that he knew what this was all doing to me and he asked for forgiveness and hoped to God my life wouldn't be like his. He's even offered to pay for me to move out before I go insane (we really think my mother is either bipolar or schizophrenic, but we would never dream of telling her that for the rage she would unleash), but I just can't. I don't want to abandon my father and sister.

Whooooo... quite the emotional thread huh? Nice to see so many can relate and that you're not alone. Anyways, so that's why I relate to BOY even though my parents haven't divorced. I have major commitment issues because I'm afraid of either becoming my mother and having such bitterness towards the world and having everyone afraid of me or becoming my father who has become so unhappy and submissive to everything that goes on around him.Because that's all I've known, I feel like that's what I'm destined for. I don't want that.