wow... well.. I am more of a lurker than a poster but being from a broken home I have tears in my eyes reading these posts.... Here is my story...

My parents divorced when i was very young.. 4yrs old... most of my memories up till the divorce are of the fights. To this day.. 20 years later.. I still have nightmares of the fights. my father was physically abusive towards my mother. He was a drug addict and an alcoholic. My mother being Catholic tried to make it work but decided she had to get him out when i came up to her and said.. "its ok mommy, when he starts yelling just sit in the closet with your fingers over your ears and sing." At that point she knew it was time to get us both out and began the process. During the divorce my father chose $10,000 instead of any visitation or custody rights for me. I was young and still wanted a dad... over the next few years he would show up occasionally and take me shopping.. basically buy my love. When I was 9 he dissappeared. At 11 he called me out of the blue... I asked him where he had been and why he left me he didn't answer.. I told him I wanted an answer or i didn't want a father... he told me it was the drugs but he was clean.. naive little me believed him. At this point my mother had gotten pregnant on accident and I had a 2.5 year old brother.. who had no father. I gre up real fast. I became the 2nd parent... my mom went back to school. My father was in and out of my life for years... at 17 I spent my money to go see him.. spent a week and all seemed to be ok. The following New Years he called me drunk and high asking why I didn't send him a present... I had no money but sent him a card... he yelled and screamed and told me I was ungrateful. I went into panic attacks. I haven't spoken to him since.. its been 6 years.. he sends cards and money.... I wrote back once asking him how it felt to tell his 11 year old that drugs were better than her... I asked him how it felt to know the pain he caused... a 3 page letter I never meant to send. My boyfriend (of 4 years) mailed it for me... it was the best thing i ever did. My father will never be a part of my life but I am greatful that I was able to let him know how much he hurt me!

Wow.. that was long.. sorry for the ramble.. prolly to much info :tear