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AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 8 "Hollywood Week" - will make new thread when Top 36 starts **SPOILERS INSIDE**
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Re: AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 8 "Hollywood Week" - will make new thread when Top 36 starts **SPOILERS INSIDE**
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Houster
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Jee Jee Jee Jee
Posts
: 6993
01/21/09 7:12 AM
Tying up some loose ends,
Phoenix
When we left our auditions because my daughter called meto read her a Cinderella story (the real one, not "Idol"), Randy Madden was seen heading into the Arizona desert with Kansas's "Dust In The Wind" playing, even though I'm thinking more along the line of Roy Rogers' "Tumblin' Tumbleweeds". He didn't even get a ticket to the Super Bowl!
I might as well talk about the
Bikini Girl
, the very crass Hurricane
Katrina Darrell.
Aside from the chutzpah, which I didn't like, including the comments to Curly, I didn't think she was so hot, and was too damned skinny. That is until She Kissed A Girl named Ryan Seacrest, and that was smokin' hot.
Her singing wasn't all that great, as
Kara DioGuardi
demonstrated.
But since Moe and
Terri Seymour
broke up not too long ago, Moe clearly has developed Eliot Spitzer disease. Or maybe he'd like to promote a singing mud-wrestling match with Casey Carlson and Joanna Pacitti. As for Larry, I could speculate on why he voted to send Bikini Girl to Hollywood, but this is partially a family show.
There was a lot of debate on the web whether Kara should have tried to outsing Bikini Girl. I was on Kara's side, which was confirmed by none other than
Kelly Clarkson
herself, in an interview last week with radio station WPLJ in New York. After gushing over Kara's singing, and after being told what happened on "Idol", Kelly gave Kara the thumbs up.
I agree. The jury is out on Kara. She clearly knows music. Her increasing annoyance with Moe seems genuine, although she has to know that Moe is acting most of the time. After watching Kara for about half the show covering the
San Francisco
auditions, I think she could have matched Bikini Girl in more than just the singing department. Three parts Albanian and one part Italian seems to have produced a smart, attractive woman.
The only problem is that she is going along with the original Three Stooges and passing marginal talent along to Hollywood. So, she's still "Shemp", as of now.
Some kid from Utah named J.R. (Ewing?) sings Ruben Studdard's awful coronation song, "Flying Without Wings," which will get you killed in a hurry. Naturally, the Stoogers send him to Hollywood.
Someone sings Dionne Warwick's "I'll Never Love This Way Again" badly, and a truer statement was never told.
D.J. Bradley sings Celine Dion's "Its All Coming Back To Me Now", and the alternatives of headache and my dinner come to mind.
Some guy calls himself "X-Ray", which somehow gets a Kah-ra, Kah-ra, Kah-ra out of Moe, but
Aundray Caraway
out to stick to being a seed you put in Jewish rye bread.
Arianna Afsar
heeded the call to service of
President Obama
even before he was inaugurated. Good. The President needs all the help he can get. Hope he pulls it off. Fortunately, Arianna's middle name isn't Huffington or Stessanopoulos, and she's not politically bi-polar like her namesake. Instead, she started a program called "Adopt-A-Gram" in her home town. As for singing, she chose a triple somersault pike dive with 3.5 difficulty, "Put Your Records On" by Corinne Bailey Rae, who hasn't been heard from since turning the dial to 331/3. She sings decently, and she's a nice girl, so the Stooges send her to Hollywood.
Elijah Scarlett
is the Anti-Von Smith. He turns the dial to 16 and sings Barry White's "My First, My Last, My Everything" so lowly and deeply that The Biscuit forgets about making out with Ally McBeal in the toilet and runs away. He's even lower than the baritone from The Temptations or Leon Redbone. Since the Stooges didn't make him sing Minnie Riperton's "Lovin' You", he sent back to the sub-basement.
Some 16 year-old girl from Connecticut has issues with notebooks and probably has too much time on her hands. She chooses not to sing the good Styx song of the same title, and tries "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada. In a split decision, Moe turns her down. I guess Moe wanted "Sometimes When We Touch", one of the cheesiest songs ever.
Stevie Wright
, not Nicks, sings "At Last". President Obama loves this song, because he practically swallowed Michelle whole while dancing to this song at one of the inaugural balls.
You know the collective KCE reaction to this. She's Not Kelly. Curly, taking her first nip of the season, thinks just the opposite. They take her.
I know that if
Michael Sarver
, Mister Oil Rig of Jasper, Texas, makes the Top 12, he's going to sing a lot of country songs I don't know well. If he doesn't make the Top 12, he can always try to get ABC to resurrect "Grace Under Fire". Where is Brett Butler these days?
Eric Thomas
is so dumb that he didn't know that
Marvin Gaye
sang "Sexual Healing", not "Sexual Chocolate." But its OK, because
Drew Carey
promised him a car if he sang badly.
Happy Motoring!
Brianna Quijada
isn't that good, because if she was, she would have sang "Free" by Deneice Williams instead of "Let's Hear It For The Boy." Then again, a few years back,
Antonella Barba
had a great audition with "Free", it was all downhill from there, except for the wet t-shirt and topless shots. Next, Brianna tries "Killing Me Softly", and she's not Roberta Flack OR Lauryn Hill. Still, its a 2-2 tie, and Moe says no.
Deanna Brown
reminds me a little of
Miranda Lambert
, but is she anywhere near as talented? She sings Otis Redding's "Sittin' At The Dock Of The Bay" decently; its good enough to get her a yellow ticket.
Cody Sheldon
shleps all the way from Detroit to Phoenix. If you lived in Detroit, wouldn't you do the same thing? Cody is a self-styled John Carpenter and Wes Carven, who makes indie short horror films. Since Moe was already in
Scary Movie 3
, its no surprise that he advances, especially after he shocks the Stooges witha song they probably don't know, "Wonderful World" by James Morrison. Cody is now my pick to sing "The Monster Mash" by the late Bobby Boris Pickett. Hopefully, Cody can imitate Boris Karloff.
Alex Wagner-Trugman
trudged away from his Science Test. He Blinds and Deafens Me With Science (tm Thomas Dolby), or with James Ingram's "Baby, Come To Me", and barely makes it through on a 3-1 vote.
After a montage of people wondering if they were Dead or Alive, this guy comes out who puts New York Governor
David Paterson
to shame.
Scott McIntyre
is Pretty Fly For A Blind Guy (tm The Offspring). Smart, too, graduated college at the age of 19. My prediction is he'll get cut in Hollywood unless he sings Slim Whitman's "La Paloma Blanca" with his seeing eye dog accompanying him, howling. No bling genuises allowed! No white Stevie Wonders, please.
After he does a great rendition of one of Billy Joel's lesser songs, "And So It Goes" (a/k/a Carmen Rasmussen's Kiss Of Death of the Spider Woman), I'm thinking, "Blind Idol." My wife says to me, this guy could win. Ain't gonna happen, folks.
Phoenix ends with
Seacrest
in midseason form, attempting to give Randy a high five.
Kansas City
Jason Stonerboi Cash-Ho
shows up with his bro,
Michael
, complete with red-streaked parrot hair. He sings a Gavin DeGraw song, and he's OK, maybe better than his bro. Kara, having seen the pics of Michael with his shirt off, calls him a "Ballsy Dude," and he's in. NOW I know why Kara took this gig -- to find guys with washboard abs.
Someone named English auditions and gets sent back to Britain.
Matt Breitske
is completely calm and collected while telling the Stooges that he gave up music three years ago because he got married and had a kid, taking a job as a welder. Bring out the applause meter again. He sings Bill Withers' "Ain't No Sunshine." I'm not impressed, and neither is Larry. But the rest of the Stooges see the applause meter and send him through. If I'm a Stooge, I make him sing "Use Me" and "Just The Two Of Us." I suspect he would have trouble with those two.
Matt heads for the hotel lobby with his yellow ticket, and is mobbed by his wife and kid, with Chris Daughtry's ode to Von Smith, "Feels Like Tonight", playing in the background.
Jazzgirl Jasmine Joseph
, age 17, of Norfolk, Nebraska, sings "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" pretty poorly. Should have chosen "Jazzman" or "Dazz". The Stooges sing Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sounds of Silence", and she leaves the room without a roll call vote. At the pearly gates,
Johnny Carson
, who grew up in Norfolk, Nebraska, puts on his "Carnac" hat and says, "may a giant Tasmanian Devil take many bites out of the Stooge panel."
Since
San Francisco
was such a bust except for the lovely and hilarious
Adam Lambert
, I'll write more about Kansas City at a slightly later date. Besides, I'm tired now.
Edited 1 time by
Houster
01/21/09 7:17 AM.
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